Coming out of Lockdown, a double-edged sword.

We have our roadmap, the schools have opened, we can meet another person for a picnic, there is even a bit of sunshine energising the crocuses and daffodils which have sprouted in Meanwood Park, so why do I feel anxious about the return to ‘normal’?

During this last year I have spent much time at home, sometimes feeling okay, sometimes quite happy, sometimes not so great and sometimes floundering in a hole without the helping hand of optimism to pull me out. So the return of spring and the promise of bars, shops, hairdressers and holidays should provide that helping hand. But if the truth be known, for me, lockdown did take some pressure away, big life decisions could wait for a while and the amount of decisions I needed to make on a daily basis were reduced. The world had slowed down and part of me slowed down too, less options and choices had a remarkably peaceful affect on my brain.

I am remembering the rush-hour traffic on Otley Road prior to the pandemic? Wasn’t it crazy? What a contrast was spring of 2020, the traffic flow barely existent and the bird song, loud and clear. Though the traffic has slowly built back up it is yet to reach the weary polluting-pumping proportions of before. Remember those bus journeys?

Part of me wants my freedom back, to visit York for a day, drink a latte in a café and to visit friends. I hope to take small steps and come out of lockdown at my own pace, steadily.

I know I won’t be the only one who feels apprehensive after a year of living a different kind of life, and yet I know others may well be raring to go. How do you feel?

Meanwood Valley Trail, the view of Almscliffe Crag and an Owl.

Since Lockdown began, ironically,  I think I have walked more in North Leeds then ever before.  I’ve also been adventurous in finding new routes.  I do wonder why I wasn’t doing this before? Maybe life was too fast – at least in my head, as fast as the cars on Otley road – which also seem to have slowed down.

I live close to the Meanwood Valley Trail, yet had not really explored it that well, until now.  The trail starts at Woodhouse Moor and meanders through Meanwood Park, alongside the beck and small waterfalls, meeting Seven Arches and ending at Golden Acre Park. It’s a 7 mile linear walk, though you can walk it in little sections and create your own route.

Image: Seven Arches aqueduct which was built in 1840 to carry water from the Eccup Reservoir to the City Centre via Adel Beck.  Leodis Photographic Archive of Leeds.

The trail is absolutely stunning, especially at this time of year along with lovely weather, clear blue skies and chirpy bird song.  I’m still amazed that countryside and woods, so beautiful,  are so close to a city. I moved back ‘up north’ from London years ago and still don’t take for granted how green some parts of Leeds are.   The scenic journey to Otley from North Leeds, provides a stunning vista which includes the iconic Almscliffe Crag, it’s a favourite of mine and it never fails to take my breath away.

Yesterday, when walking back I heard a ‘screeching’ sound coming from a tree, it was so loud and piercing, almost human-like.   I peered up into the tree and to my delight I saw an Owl looking back at me!  This, in the middle of the day.   I felt in awe. Wow.  I mean WOW!   I am wondering if something had disturbed him? Another bird perhaps?  I have never heard a sound like that before, it wasn’t the ‘twit twoo ing’ I sometimes have heard at night.

I’ve had a look on the internet for ‘owls’ and I think it may have been a ‘Little Owl?’    Could this be?  Any bird spotters out there?

I think I am living ‘in the moment’  a bit more,  in lockdown.   I’m noticing more, and paying more attention to nature.

I know we can’t all access the trail, but nature can be found everywhere.   My friend saw a fox in Armely last night by the light of the moon!

Waterfall in Meanwood Valley Trail, taken in 2016 by me! 

Five weeks in lockdown

It’s been over 5 weeks since we entered Lockdown on March 23rd, and ever since  I’ve been living in what seems like a little bubble,  alone in North Leeds.

If I’m honest it’s not been all bad,  at times it’s almost felt like a relief for the world to slow down, that is if I  forget about the horrors of the situation for a while.   As someone who struggles with anxiety and at times depression, I have have often wanted the world to stop.  Let me take a breath.  Though, of course,  I would never have traded this for our current,  sad situation.

I’ve looked out of my window more often than ever and was amazed and delighted to watch the trees sprout their leaves overnight. I have never ever noticed this so precisely before! Usually I walk or run around with a foggy brain and can’t pinpoint the timing of these changes, so I feel happy about that!   I’ve also been enjoying watching a homely-looking visitor sun himself in the tree opposite, basking in the beautiful weather that April brought – a plump wood pigeon.

 

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I’ve been forced to live in the moment a bit more, and pay more attention to nature.  And this I like, I am wondering how I can hold on to this when things eventually return to normal?

Though sometimes it’s felt more of a struggle.  I’m guessing I won’t be alone in having good days and bad days.  I’m acutely aware that for some people times are really hard right now.   At times I’ve felt guilty about not doing more,  but I’m determined not to let these thoughts and feelings linger.    I try to exercise a bit of self-compassion on tricky days, and I find fresh air helps to clear my mind.   I remind myself that by staying at home, I am doing my bit, as we all are.  I hope you are all okay!