Beating myself up.
This act of beating myself up, doesn’t always consist of a round of negative thoughts, although sometimes it does. Often it’s a feeling. It’s a self-critical and harsh feeling. It feels like a ferocious participant in an inner fight, it’s got the boxing gloves on while the other opponent trembles.
My Inner Critic sounds like a psychological cliché but it feels like a fitting phrase. Through therapy, Mindfulness practice and reading a lot, I’ve learnt to become more aware of this critic. I am sometimes able to question it (me) with gentleness and compassion. Sometimes I can feel my inner world soften and respond, which is quite a beautiful feeling.
Of course I still beat myself up! I’m not always aware, especially when things are difficult. I still struggle with stressful situations. When I should be bathing in self compassion and eating healthy foods to counteract the stress, I still find myself gorging on doughnuts, beating myself up and doing the opposite of what helps, Ironic! But I think I am getting a little bit better.
I read the book ‘Stop Beating Yourself up and leave insecurity behind’ by Kristin Neff – It’s about Self Compassion. It’s one of the most helpful books I have ever read.
Thank you for reading x
Leeds Wellbeing Web 
Thank you for this really honest and open post, I’m sure most people whether they have suffered symptoms of mental distress or not, have times when that inner boxing or wrestling opponent get in the ring and has them against the ropes! Well done for going the rounds and sharing your tactics…you will be a champ!
S.M.
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Thanks for your comments! I guess it’s finding tactics to deal with being against the ropes!
I attended Mindfulness at Leeds Mind today which was really great for this kind of thing.
Yay – hopefully I’ll be a champ or at least a good referee!
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